Welcome to the First Annual Aholesnelbows.com Oscar Poll. It's being called the "first" since it's the first we have hosted all by ourselves. In honor of the "First" Oscar Poll, we thought we would give you a little background, perhaps a brief synopsis of some of the feature nominees to help you make your decisions before you vote. We hope you enjoy it, cause it sure as hell doesn't look all that entertaining from this end but none the less, we aims to please! Without further ado... 2006 Academy Award Nominees: ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: Philip Seymour Hoffman - "Capote" Terrence Howard - "Hustle & Flow" Heath Ledger - "Brokeback Mountain" Joaquin Phoenix - "Walk the Line" David Strathairn - "Good Night, and Good Luck" ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: George Clooney - "Syriana" Matt Dillon - "Crash" Paul Giamatti - "Cinderella Man" Jake Gyllenhaal - "Brokeback Mountain" William Hurt - "A History of Violence" ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE: Dame Judi Dench - "Mrs Henderson Presents" Felicity Huffman - "Transamerica" Keira Knightley - "Pride and Prejudice" Charlize Theron - "North Country" Reese Witherspoon - "Walk the Line" ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Amy Adams - "Junebug" Catherine Keener - "Capote" Frances McDormand - "North Country" Rachel Weisz - "The Constant Gardener" Michelle Williams - "Brokeback Mountain" ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: "Howl's Moving Castle" Sophie works in a hat shop, until she meets a wizard named Howl, and then gets turned into a 90 year old woman by the witch of the castle. What just happened? There was an obnoxious anthropomorphic ball of fire screeching at me in the trailer. That’s all I got for you on this one. "Tim Burton's Corpse Bride" Victor gets send to the land of the dead and married to a fittingly named “Corpse Bride” while his living bride waits for him in vain. Poor, poor living bride. "Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" As the annual Giant Vegetable Competition approaches, it's veggie-mania in Wallace and Gromit's neighborhood. The two enterprising chums have been cashing in with their pest-control outfit, Anti-Pesto, which humanely dispatches the rabbits that try to invade the sacred garden. This actually sounds kind of awesome. ART DIRECTION: "Good Night, and Good Luck" - Art Direction: Jim Bissell, Set Decoration: Jan Pascale "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" - Art Direction: Stuart Craig, Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan "King Kong" - Art Direction: Grant Major, Set Decoration: Dan Hennah and Simon Bright "Memoirs of a Geisha" - Art Direction: John Myhre, Set Decoration: Gretchen Rau "Pride and Prejudice" - Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood, Set Decoration: Katie Spencer CINEMATOGRAPHY: "Batman Begins" - Wally Pfister "Brokeback Mountain" - Rodrigo Prieto "Good Night, and Good Luck" - Robert Elswit "Memoirs of a Geisha" - Dion Beebe "The New World" - Emmanuel Lubezki COSTUME DESIGN: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Gabriella Pescucci "Memoirs of a Geisha" - Colleen Atwood "Mrs Henderson Presents" - Sandy Powell "Pride and Prejudice" - Jacqueline Durran "Walk the Line" - Arianne Phillips DIRECTING: "Brokeback Mountain" - Ang Lee "Capote" - Bennett Miller "Crash" - Paul Haggis "Good Night, and Good Luck" - George Clooney "Munich" - Steven Spielberg DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: "Darwin's Nightmare" A documentary about a predatory invasive species of fish in Lake Victoria that has wiped out the native species and is in turn eaten by Europeans, but not by people from Tanzania. And the circle of life continues? What? I don’t get it either. "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room" Chances are this is a documentary about living the American Dream, you know, the dream about fucking everything and everyone you possibly can right in the ear for the sake of making more money. "March of the Penquins" It’s really not as cute as you think it is. C’mon, its fucking birds! They really don’t have human emotions, its simply clever editing. Alright, alright, yeah, it’s actually pretty cute. Maybe not “March of the Otters” cute, or even “March of the baby Tapirs” cute, but it’ll do in a pinch. "Murderball" A worldwide brotherhood of paraplegics kick (no pun intended, that would be a low blow, HOO-WAH, goin’ straight to Hell!) the shit out of everything they find in the path of their steel-clad Wheelchairs of War! Added bonus: Jingos head actually imploded while viewing this film! "Street Fight" Van Damme brilliantly plays the multifaceted character of Colonel Guile as he fights the evil Dictator M. Bison and his cohorts! Silly shit, that’s Street Fighter. Actually, now that I look into it, that’s not actually very far off the mark.. DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT: "The Death of Kevin Carter: Casualty of the Bang Bang Club" Bad stuff happens in Sudan. Got it. What I don’t get is that this film seems to be about how a photographer feels bad about himself for taking photographs of bad shit. On second thought, don’t got it. "God Sleeps in Rwanda" Genocide in Rwanda left a society that is seventy-percent female. This doc is about five women trying to rebuild their lives. Don’t worry, I’m not touching this one with the ‘ol smartass pole. Even I can't mock that, it's just too sad. "The Mushroom Club" Ten people affected by the Hiroshima bombing. Yep, Truman was a douchebag. "A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norwan Corwin" One of these things is not like the others. This one happens to be about a radio journalist giving an address on VE day at the end of WWII. Nice try, but have you seen the other nominees in your category? Go get blown up and try again next year. FILM EDITING: "Cinderella Man" - Mike Hill and Dan Hanley "The Constant Gardener" - Claire Simpson "Crash" - Hughes Winborne "Munich" - Michael Kahn "Walk the Line" - Michael McCusker FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: "Don't Tell" An actress recovers a suppressed memory of being abused as a child, then seeks to uncover the truth from her family. Not making fun of this one either. See? This is my caring face! "Joyeux Noel" Three groups of soldiers stop fighting during WWII to celebrate Christmas with songs, eggnog, and mustard gas. "Paradise Now" Two Palestinian dudes prepare themselves for a suicide bombing. Greeeaaaat! Boo-Fucking-Hoo. "Sophie Scholl - The Final Days" Guns don’t kill people, but the Gestapo sure did. You know the rules if you’ve ever watched the Oscars; the Holocaust, Africa get the statues. Watch out for this one! Ho, ho! Hey, hey! "Tsotsi" Had me worried there for a minute, I thought this category wasn’t gonna be much of a competition. Turns out I was wrong. Street criminal in Johannesburg thugs it about until he finds a baby. No shit. I read it. MAKEUP: "The Chronicles of Narnia" - Howard Berger and Tami Lane "Cinderella Man" - David Leroy Anderson and Lance Anderson "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" - Dave Elsey and Annette Miles MUSIC (SCORE): "Brokeback Mountain" - Gustavo Santaolalla "The Constant Gardener" - Alberto Iglesias "Memoirs of a Geisha" - John Williams "Munich" - John Williams "Pride and Prejudice" - Dario Marianelli MUSIC (SONG): "In the Deep" - "Crash" “Life keeps tumbling your heart in circles till you let go”, it’s written by some fuck named Bird York, so there you go. Take that. "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" - "Hustle & Flow" “Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too You pay the right price and they'll both do you” Oh boy! That’s got Oscar winner written all over it! Damn, Id say more about it if I could stop laughing and actually see through my tears right now. "Travelin Thru" - "Transamerica" “We've all been crucified and they nailed Jesus to the tree…” That’s all well and good, but did Jesus have a Snow Bunny AND a Black Girl? I think not. BEST PICTURE: "Brokeback Mountain" The story of how love can transcend all boundaries, and scale all walls, even the walls of Man-Love. Also: best supporting animal nomination for the sheep. "Capote" Philip Seymore Hoffman gives a commanding performance and an obnoxious impression of an obnoxious person in a movie about a book. Sorry, didn’t see it, so I gave it my best shot based on the trailer. "Crash" Racial Strife? Simmering Rage? Sparking Violence? If it wasn’t for “ Cowboys in Love” this one would be a shoe-in! "Good Night, and Good Luck" The most splendiferously, incantastically bad-asserific movie ever! I have no idea.( If you disagree you might be a communist.) "Munich" The city of Munich is all abuzz with talk of the Giant Vegetable Contest when the moving castle eats all the Penguins! I know! It’s a drama! SHORT FILM (ANIMATED): "Badgered" A Badger tries to get some sleep, but he cant. I however, can. "The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation" A son explores his difficult relationship with his dead father through an imaginary conversation about the older man's past. Can we watch the Badger movie instead? "The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello" Haunted by a tragic mistake, an aerial navigator leaves his wife behind in their plague-ridden homeland and embarks on a voyage that he hopes will redeem him. Mommy, these cartoons suck balls. "9" In a nightmarish landscape, a hunted figure confronts an insect-like creature that is stealing the souls of its brethren. Mommy, seriously, turn on Spongebob or I’m calling child protective services. "One Man Band" Two street performers compete for a small child's last coin. That’s it, I quit. SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION): "Ausreisser" When the six-year-old son he never knew he had shows up on his doorstep one morning, a novice father tries to find the boy's absent mother. Starring Adam Sandler, Judge Rheinhold, or Gerard Depardeiu, Take your pick. "Cashback" A London art student with a vivid imagination explains the fine points of getting through the night shift at a dull job. Think Clerks meets How I Got Into College. Then think about shooting yourself in the face. "The Last Farm" An elderly man keeps a secret from the outside world as he reacts to the possibility that he will no longer be able to remain on his isolated farm. The Secret: He cant believe its not butter either! "Our Time is Up" A therapist who learns he has only six weeks to live begins treating his patients with a dose of brutal honesty. Up next, a guy with a website with nothing better to do spends a couple of hours reading about god-awful Oscar nominations and writes a lot of unfunny commentary. "Six Shooter" As he travels home by train after his wife's death, a grief-stricken man finds an already terrible day taking some bizarre turns for the worse. Turns out the movie on the train was Hustle & Flow. SOUND EDITING: "King Kong" - Mike Hopkins and Ethan Van der Ryn "Memoirs of a Geisha" - Wylie Stateman "War of the Worlds" - Richard King SOUND MIXING: "The Chronicles of Narnia" - Terry Porter, Dean A Zupancic and Tony Johnson "King Kong" - Christopher Boyes, Michael Semanick, Michael Hedges and Hammond Peek "Memoirs of a Geisha" - Kevin O'Connell, Greg P Russell, Rick Kline and John Pritchett "Walk the Line" - Paul Massey, DM Hemphill and Peter F Kurland "War of the Worlds" - Andy Nelson, Anna Behlmer and Ronald Judkins VISUAL EFFECTS: "The Chronicles of Narnia" - Dean Wright, Bill Westenhofer, Jim Berney, and Scott Farrar "King Kong" - Joe Letteri, Brian Van't Hul, Christian Rivers and Richard Taylor "War of the Worlds"- Dennis Muren, Pablo Helman, Randy Dutra and Daniel Sudick WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY): "Brokeback Mountain" "Capote" "The Constant Gardener" "A History of Violence" "Munich" WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY): "Crash" "Good Night, and Good Luck" "Match Point" "The Squid and the Whale" "Syriana" Head on over to the poll and cast your votes! There have been whispers of a cash pool (probably false), but there is definitely some potential Prize Closet action going on! Potentially. By the way, our polling system was concieved, written and programmed by none other the the illustrious and honorable Abir K. Majumdar! You can find the poll at Shundor.com/poll